As an almost Native Oregonian, (born in Vancouver, Washington) I wanted to share this narrative by Jeff Foxworthy that was actually an email forward from my mother. We can all use a little levity from time to time so read on and comment on which ones you can relate to. I have added my comments below each sentence.
THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT LIVING IN OREGON
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Oregon.
This is so true!!! When I was in Home Depot purchasing ceiling fans, I didn’t have one non-employee helping me make a decision but two! One was an electrical contractor that I ended up hiring to install the fans!
If you’ve worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon.
I wish I had a picture to post because I see this all the time!
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Oregon.
This I have never experienced. Have you?
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon.
OK, I can see this. When we would go to Lake Billy Chinook in the summer, people would ask how far it is and I would say two and a half hours. I thought everybody did this.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon.
This must be more Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon. I do remember seeing a deer lying on the side of the road not yet dead as we traversed over the mountain on one of our excursions and my ex-husband got his revolver out and shot it so it wouldn’t suffer. Horrible! I did say ex-husband right? It was the right thing to do I think but icky.
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon.
Yep!
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon.
I lock my doors now, but when we lived in the country, we left the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.
That I can’t do…
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon.
Every year! My kids hated being princess leia wearing sweats under the costume and a raincoat over it.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon.
You can see this most prominently when you cross the border from Multnomah County to Clackamas County!
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon.
It’s road construction season all year long!
If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon.
I would never throw these things in the trash. I looked a moving to Idaho at one point and I asked the recruiter about recycling in the city I was going to move to and he said it was non-existent. Do Oregonians live in a bubble?
If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon.
I know of more than 10 ways!
If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon.
I grew up on a boat! (Not literally) And, we had no air conditioning!
If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal, you live in Oregon.
OMG! I do this! What a dork!
If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon.
There are mountains with no snow?
If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon.
YES!!! Can’t everybody?
If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon.
My ex loved to fish. We had fresh fish all the time! JEFF forgot about Steelhead.
If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon.
se-quim, will-a-met-tee, nah just kiddin ya…
If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon.
Maybe, but this is pushing it a bit.
If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon.
Man, how old is this joke?
If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon.
There are people out there that can’t tell the difference?
If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon.
I don’t need no stinking waterproof matches or a poncho.
If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon.
Any takers on this one?
If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon.
I use an umbrella, but not very oftened. It has to really be coming down!
If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon.
Yes, I have several pairs…
If you actually understand these jokes and share them with all your OREGON friends, you probably live or have lived in Oregon. Also what about all the different descriptions for rain? such as: a mist, sprinkling, downpour, drizzle, shower. Have more to share? Please do!
